I don't talk about my past, only a few people have heard stories of me growing up. It's not because I don't want to, it's just that when I go about my everyday things, I don't think about it. Cause unlike the past of many Americans, I couldn't visit there. A forced exile due to the social climate of the time, in my head I've already exiled myself from my past out of necessity rather than hatred.
I think after coming back to this place, I'll have more comfort in recognizing and hopefully slowly unshackle the limiters that I put on my memories.
Anyways, here's my grandfather, Zhang Yi Guai. He, like all of my grandparents, peaced out when I was in the US. I've never been to a funeral in the US, sadly that includes mine as well since they were in China. My grandfather, I don't remember too much, even typing this sentence it brought tears to my eyes, did what he did to sustain his family. Being the product of the post-revolutionary era, he grew up in extreme poverty like many of those around him. Him going to Quanzhou to get a bride that was mentally handicapped, cause she was a cheap ride. Raising 4 kids often to split a single egg between the family of 4. Kicking my father's ass when my father stole a few bucks and my father to stay outside for the night. It was what you had to do.
They lived in a tiny house three street blocks from where we are now, the house is still there, and it acts as a physical reminder of what my father's family grew up in. A tiny little shed that is about 6 ft too its windows are covered in wooden no more than a few hundred sq ft for the family of 6, smaller than a Manhattan apartment. I remember seeing the inside of it growing up, but now it's closed and untouched for many years.
When I was little I was often called "Yi Kuai Son), or the grandson of Yi Guai. What's funny is that his name phonetically sounds like "well behaved," so I've often thought it meant I was a grandson of the well behaved. I remember him taking my cousins and me on his tricycle across the town. He didn't say much though but his expressions showed extreme love and devotion towards us. He rarely smiled either.
Wow, I really don't remember much. Maybe one day my memories will be unlocked. Maybe one day.